Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
