I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
