oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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