I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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