btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
