I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
did i walk over a car last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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