I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
