Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
