I wannas sexs uuuuu
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
