Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
