My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
