Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
