Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
