i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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