it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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