At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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