I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
