I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
