I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
