you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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