Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
