Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
