Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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