We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
