You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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