I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
