This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I looked at my own cervix.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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