Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A bitchslap is in order.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
