What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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