turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
