so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
