she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
