I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I got inside last night via doggy door
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
