I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
