I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
