walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
