whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
