kristin has been a bad kristin
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
