we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
