you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
