I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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