she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
