i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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