He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
