We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
