I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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