Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
