if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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