are you so shy because you have an std?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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