it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
